Hello CSAers!
My name is Dave Roberts, I was a member of the CSA class of 2004. I am really excited to have this opportunity to engage with you through this blog. Many of your faculty who know me will tell you I am a talker, so I apologize ahead of time for the length of the post. I have tried to share some of the details of my career path and some tips that you can use in yours. I look forward to your comments and questions.
Best Wishes,
Dave
1) Describe your professional path in the field. If there are aspects of your decision-making (in your career choices) that may inform how our students approach the beginning of their own professional employment, please share them. If there are things you'd have done differently, please explain them.
Valdosta State University, B.S.Ed. Secondary Ed Social Studies – 1997-2002My story is probably similar to many of you. As an undergrad at Valdosta State University (Valdosta, GA) I was lost, I was very involved on campus but couldn’t find a major that clicked for me. I loved being an RA and the professional staff there really encouraged me to pursue student affairs as a career option.
University of South Florida – M.Ed. College Student Affairs – 2002-2004I was contacted by Maria Zale, an Area Coordinator from USF at a regional placement exchange who invited me to interview for a GA position as a Residence Director scheduled for 2 hours after I received the invitation. I can tell you that I took the interview to fill the empty hour in my schedule and because it was in Florida. I knew ZERO about USF! The first question I was asked was, what do you know about USF? And I responded by saying that I know very little but that I am sure it had a vibrant campus life being located in Miami. She then explained where it was located and I amended my answer to let her know I knew nothing about USF. I was pretty sure the interview was over at that point but we kept going and it ended up being my favorite interview I had all weekend.
As you begin to pursue jobs in student affairs be sure to research the schools you will be interviewing with, but also, be honest. It is ok in a conference interview setting to say you don’t know much about an institution if this is not an interview that was scheduled in advance. I have never taken a position that I didn’t feel a “fit” with staff at the interview or at the on-campus interview. All of us in the field know the “fit”, it is hard to describe, but when it happens you know it, and when it doesn’t happen, you know it.
At USF I was hired as a Resident Director (RD) for my GA experience. I oversaw Beta Hall (pre-renovation). I was heart-broken when I was assigned “The Beta” at first, I had the worst apartment of all the RDs and on the first day of training the USF Police Officer at training asked who had Beta and when I raised my hand he said “I want to introduce myself to you because, I’ll be seeing you a lot.” I like a challenge and so one of the first lessons I learned was to accentuate the positive. The building was in terrible shape, the unofficial building mascot was the “Beta Dog” (a cockroach) because “the roaches were as big as dogs in Beta” and the rumors/legend of events that had taken place in the building were always looking to be topped by our students. Instead of shying away from this my staff and I celebrated it. We got permission to paint the lobby neon colors, because we could, we put the Beta Dog on t-shirts and we built a really strong community around the idea that we were the group that would be the last to live in “the real Beta”. The conduct issues were cut in half from previous years, we had amazing communities and students loved living there. I learned that we are just as much in the business of marketing as we are in Student Affairs. They say that good work gets rewarded with more work. The next year I was assigned Fontana Hall, the privately owned 13 story high-rise across the street from campus. The university rented it for a year as temporary housing while they built and renovated a number a residence halls on campus. The buildings condition and the overall situation was a nightmare for us as staff and for the housing department in general. I can say in hindsight that, while the experience at the time seemed really frustrating, I came out of it with some amazing skills that my colleagues who got to work in the new buildings probably never gained as a result of their Resident Director experience. If you are someone who is driven to move up in this field, put yourself out there and take on the professional challenges no one else wants. It impresses the higher-ups, builds on your experience and in my case has led to promotions and opportunities that I would have never gotten if I played it safe.
While at USF I met my wife Amanda, she was a year behind me in the CSA Program and also a Resident Director. We had been dating 4 months when I had to job search, though we both knew that we wanted to get married at that point, we also decided that it was best that I do a national job search and we see how it goes. We got engaged the week before I moved to Texas. I will address the role our relationship has also played in my career a little further down.
Southern Methodist University – Hall Director 2004-2006, Assistant Director for Res Life 2006-2007
Once again, I found a good fit with the folks at Southern Methodist University (Dallas, TX) in Residence Life and took a position as a hall director. Going from an all public school experience to a very affluent private school was a huge adjustment. I encourage you to branch out and seek at positions at different types and sizes of institutions. You will have a more well-rounded experience and a better view of the field of student affairs from a variety of perspectives.
The role as a hall director was a pretty easy adjustment, but there was a level of professionalism expected at SMU that I was not accustomed to. The main challenges I encountered at SMU as a hall director were personal. Amanda I got married after she graduated from the CSA Program the year after me and moved to Texas. We had a plan to spend 5 years working on our careers and then try to have kids. She got hired by the Women’s Center part-time at SMU two months after we got married and a month later we found out we were expecting our first child. SURPRISE! Our daughter Kendall was born at the end of my second year as a hall director; Amanda had to quit her job because part-time employees don’t receive maternity leave and stayed at home (in the dorm) with Kendall. If you have a spouse or partner who also has a career, there is definitely a balance that you will have to work out for you in terms of your career. When you job search, be honest with each other and know that there is a good chance one of you is going to have to make a sacrifice for the other person. Each couple handles it differently, so find what is right for you.
A month after Kendall was born I was promoted to Assistant Director for Residential Life and Assessment at SMU. In my role I supervised 5 full-time masters’ level hall directors and oversaw all departmental assessment initiatives. I adored the staff I worked with at SMU (including Dee Siscoe and Missy Bryant) I felt like the staff there were driven professionals and so supportive. I felt like I had a family there. Unfortunately, I did not feel the same adoration for all of the students I worked with at SMU. The students I interacted with were generally very wealthy and entitled and I had trouble relating with many of them. I had the children/relatives of big name celebrities living in my halls and most of the time when I addressed an incident with students I was told by the student that they were calling their lawyer. As an Assistant Director I was on duty 24/7/365 and my phone rang all the time and it took a toll on my family life. I always said I would not leave a job after year because it was “career suicide”, but my family life was more important. It was the first time in my life that I really started to think that I didn’t want to be in housing anymore.
I chose to get out of housing and pursued jobs in Student Life. I was told that once you are a housing person that you can’t break out. This is B.S. I developed a functional resume which highlighted my experience in order of the skills I possessed and not in your typical chronological resume. I am sure this helped because it took the focus off of me being a “housing geek” and focused on me as a Student Affairs Professional. I would highly recommend that you consider this as an option when you apply for jobs.
University of Missouri – Director for Leadership Development – 2007-2011
Fortunately I was hired as the Director for Leadership Development and Community Involvement at the University of Missouri (Mizzou). The position at Mizzou was really a dream job for me. I was able to teach class and have complete control over programs at a flagship state university. In my role at Mizzou I learned very quickly that I had to run my office more like a business than a just some programming office. I didn’t just want good programs, I wanted GREAT programs and I wanted my office to be a force on campus. I did an analysis of cost per student for each program, we looked at attendance numbers, did assessment on student satisfaction, focus groups about what students wanted and looked at national best practices in higher education. I also did something that I would encourage each of you to do upon starting a position. I asked my predecessor for the names of 8 faculty/staff on campus that it was crucial that I build a relationship with. I sent emails out and asked to meet each of them for coffee (my treat) at the Starbucks on campus. If you meet with someone in their office there are distractions and at least one party is out of their element. I chose to meet them at a neutral location, I bought them coffee and we talked about how we could work together and I would ask each person if there was anything that I could do in my office to better serve them or their students. I would also ask the people for additional names of people I should meet with. In one semester I took 44 professionals (faculty, staff, & community leaders) to coffee. I sometimes had meetings 2 or 3 times in one day (that’s a lot of coffee) but it was worth it. Within a year I was more connected than people who had been there 20 years and I had an abundance of resources for me, my students and staff to use. I also found some great mentors that way.
Columbia College, Assistant Dean for Student Affairs - 2011 - present
After four years at Mizzou in that position I was called by a colleague at a small local private school in June of last year who said that they had a position open for an Assistant Dean for Student Affairs. I LOVED Mizzou and my position as Director for Leadership but I hadn’t felt challenged for about a year. I told my boss I was thinking about applying and she supported it. On the negative side, it was a significant change in responsibility, it limited student contact, and I would be leaving Mizzou. On the plus side it was a significant pay increase (and our pay had been frozen for three years), I would have more “normal” work hours and I would be the number two student affairs officer on campus. I started as the Assistant Dean for Student Affairs at Columbia College in July 2011. In my current role I supervise the Directors for Residence Life, Student Activities & Leadership and Student Development (Wellness, Diversity and Orientation). I also serve as the primary conduct officer for the 30,000 students on all 34 of our campuses nationwide and online. I am one of two people on the Division of Student Affairs Staff of 22 with a master’s degree in Student Affairs and the most seasoned of those two professionals. I am also one of the youngest if not the youngest Assistant Deans on campus (I’m about to turn 33). I am at a point in my life where I am ready to take on more responsibility and while I love working with students, I know the next steps in my career path are as an administrator.
Hi Dave! It was great to read your story, I think one of the greatest parts about this profession is how differently we all come about finding it and how many different roads there are to travel down while serving as a student affairs professionals. Through out the post you mention quite a few times about being yourself being honest and finding the right fit. This speaks very true to me, I think any of my classmates would agree I have a very quirky and loud personality and I am nervous about how much of this to show and still be professional at a conference and while interviewing for positions. I was also wondering if you could shed some wisdom on how best to handle the job hunt at places such as TPE or ACPA. I've had the pleasure to attend the National Orientation Directors Association for the past two years and I noticed at both conferences that the other GA's can come across as very cut throat. I found it extremely befuddling considering the nature of the profession, do you have any advice as to how to handle these tense situations that we will be facing?
ReplyDeleteKaren,
DeleteFirst off, BE YOURSELF! I love TPE, but I am a classic WOO for those of you who have taken Strengthsquest. I don't ever consider it a competition, it is a chance for me to highlight what talents I have to potential employers. I only need one of them to like me enough to hire me. I have known people like the types you are talking about, and I say forget them. My best friend, my wife and multiple people from my CSA Class have gone out for the same jobs as me, and we have this mutual understanding that it is not about whose better, it is about fit.
I have been on both sides of the table at TPE. Here are a few tips.
1. Do not ever talk bad about a school, employer, interviewer, candidate, etc. You don't know who is connected to who so keep those conversations until you get back to your hotel room at night.
2. Be Prepared. Carry extra-resumes, comfortable shoes, business & business casual clothes, and a watch. I take an accordian folder with me, I print out these sheets I made years ago (which I will send to Dee to disribute) where I write down information about the institution ahead of time so I know a little about the school. If you book interviews while you are there, go online and check out the school before the interview. Also, it helps if you can ask a specific question about a program or a school tradition you saw on the website, it shows you did your homework.
3. Send Thank You notes after every interview. This is also your way to tell an employer you are interested or not. If I am interested I try to let them know by talking about specifics from the interview and how excited I am about this position. If I am not, I say something like. Thank you so much for interviewing me today for _________ position. It was very nice meeting you, good luck with your search process. But also be careful and don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
4. Be wary of alcohol. Some schools are cool with it, others aren't and generally you don't know which is which. I avoid alcohol at all costs at TPE/ACPA, but it is ultimately up to you, just be cautious. Many of you will be invited to socials, the social is just as much of an interview as the actual interview was. Would you have a beer during your interview at the table. Probably not, so why would you have one at the social...but once again, that is my personal perference, others may disagree. GOOD LUCK!! It is exciting but exhausting!
Hi Dave! Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. I really appreciated your honesty, and it gave me a lot to think about as I start my national job search. I liked how you addressed the issue of our first professional job. I have heard from different professionals that if you get in housing you are trapped, or your first job out of grad school sets you up for your life, even beware of the first position you take because you will be in that functional area for a long time. I was wondering who you were able to tune those words out and apply for something new. Also, going off what Karen asked with us all searching for jobs, and some of us going to TPE we will be interviewing for the same positions. How would you recommend handling this tension? How much should we help each other, specifically how to share after the interview?
ReplyDeleteJK,
DeleteTo address your first question of how I was able to tune out the myth that our first position defines us in Student Affairs was easy. Many of the upper-level administrators in Student Affairs started out somewhere specific and ultimately had to end up as a generalist when they were a VP, so I knew there had to be room. I also realize that in any interview, for any job, I am selling my talents and skills. If I only talk about what my job was and not the experience/skills I brought to the table, no-one was going to hire me for anything but reslife. On any given campus there are 3 to 5 times the number of hall directors as their are area coordinators, and two times the number of area coordinators as associate directors. All those people have to go somewhere right, so I figured my odds were as good as anyone elses. My resume, my cover letter and my interviews all sell one thing...Dave Roberts. They don't sell Hall Director Dave or Leadership Development Dave, they sell what I have to bring to the table.
Your CSA Class can/will be your own biggest supporters at TPE/ACPA. You will just be happy to see a familiar place in a sea of people. We would always write each other encouraging notes and letters and leave them in our boxes. We also had a table in the work room that was an unofficial USF-CSA table. There was always someone there everyday, so you knew where you could find each other. Eat meals togehter when you can and then you should all go out for 2 for 1 drinks at Chili's when you get back to talk about the whole experience.
As a note for those of you with lots of interview (mostly res life folks). I had 19 interviews and several social invitations during the conference, because I was the only person in our program going for reslife jobs. No one else came close to the number of interviews I had because there are fewer student activities & other student affairs jobs out there. When Dr. Miller would ask us to share our progress each week in class after the conference and I would talk about all of the on-campus interviews I turned down or had gone on, some of my classmates began to resent me. I was honestly not being sensetive to the stress they were feeling because the other areas move slower than housing, so they felt a lot of stress. I never meant to upset them, I was just sharing my experience. We talked about it as a class and it was really helpful for me to hear how they were feeling, but helpful for Dr. Miller to better explain how the field works. There was no harm done, we all got jobs. I share this so you know that housing generally moves faster to place than other areas. Don't worry, you will all get jobs, it may just take more time in some cases. Support each other thoughout and really enjoy these last few months that you have together as a class, you are definitely going to miss this one day!
Hi Dave! I really appreciate your honesty and the depth of your answers. I think these are topics we will all be dealing with over the next few months and as we start to move into our first professional positions in Student Affairs. You spoke quite a bit about the importance of finding that work/personal life balance. This is something that I've struggled with in the past. I worked as a high school English teacher for a few years before beginning the CSA program here and I spend hours every night and weekend grading papers, working on lesson plans, responding to student/parent emails, etc. I took no time for myself, which resulted in me getting sick quite often and not enjoying my job at all. I'm worried the same thing will happen as I move into a new position where I know I'll have so much to learn and will want to impress my supervisors. Do you have any specific tips for how to set aside that personal time or navigate a conversation with your supervisor when you need a day, can't complete a project on time, or need a little extra support?
ReplyDeleteHi Andrea, Have you seen this post on The Student Affairs Collaborative blog today? http://thesabloggers.org/2012/02/slicing-your-work-life-pie/ This might help in trying to manage your work life balance in the future. It is not something I have managed well in my previous job, but it burned me out too, so I think it is vital for my wellbeing to make balance a priority.
DeleteAndrea,
DeleteI have sat through more workshops and meetings on balance than I can talk about during my time in Student Affairs, and all of them were complete BS. The article that Rebecca added is great and I would agree with much of it. Balance is as individualized as your eating habits. Figure out what works for you. Many of you will have nighttime and weekend committments. Welcome to life in the field. The higher you move up though the easier it gets to have more "normal hours". I have included a few tips below.
# Failure is trying to please everyone - Don't volunteer for every single task/committee/project/etc. Be strategic and tell your boss when you have too much on your plate, but tell us in a timely manner, not after something didn't get done.
#Your life is not an excuse for you to not do your job and your job is not an excuse for you to not have a life - Just like you schedule in meetings for work, you may have to schedule in meetings with yourself in your life outside of work. Just be sure to not cancel appointments.
# Don't always work in your office - I have asked every one of my bosses if I can take time weekly/monthly (depending on the job/supervisor) to go to a coffee shop off campus to work on big projects or grade papers. I can't always focus in my office because of emails and drop ins, so it gives me the opportunity to focus on big picture items and feel a little destressed. All I had to do was ask and they see the results.
#Choose your attitude - I know this is cliche, but if you are bitter all of the time, it is your fault, not your job. When I am bitter and stressed it is a sign to me that I need to learn to balance my life better with my job. If that doesn't work, it may be a sign I am in the wrong job. Like I said before, I left my last position at SMU after a year because my life and work weren't meshing anymore.
#Just ask - You are never going to get fully compensated for all of the hours you have put in, but generally if ask to take some time after a big event or a lot of late nights, supervisors are very understanding. We have all paid our dues like you are about to do as a new professional, so we understand.
#Don't compare yourselves to others standards of balance - Some people stay at the office late, others leave early. Some co-workers of mine go to these things called "happy hour" after work and get to go to the gym before or after work. I have two kids and my wife and I work full time. My life/balance if different from their life balance and that is ok. I may envy them from time to time, but ultimately we both have different things to look forward to after work, so I don't need to live the lifestyle they do to be balanced.
Hey there Dave!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your experiences! I think that the information you provided is extremely valuable as each of us are in the process of the initial job search following graduate school. Even though I am not a "housing geek" and have not had experience within housing, I understand branching out of an area of a specific comfort level is vital in becoming a well-rounded student affairs professional...kudos in being able to accomplish that. I guess a question for you is: aside from altering your resume, how else did you market yourself and your transferable skills to potential employers so that you stood out among those candidates with qualifications specific to the posted job description? Also,you mentioned in a response to Julia about turning down interviews with schools...would you mind sharing some of the reasonings behind decling interviews and any regrets you have with those you did turn down?
Best,
Justin
Justin,
DeleteGreat questions. I have been to placement exchange 6 times. Three as a candidate and three as an employer. The people who I remember most as an employer stand out because they shared a memorable story with us about their experience. In most interviews you are going to be asked to talk about a difficult situation you have had to deal with. Be prepared and give them something good. Talking about a difficult co-worker or student you had to deal with once is not very memorable; most people share something like that. Each of us has had to overcome something in our career that others may have not had the chance to and how we dealt with that situation is the most important part of your answer. Anyone could probably handle the difficult situation you dealt with. What they want to see is how the skills you used in that situation could be a benefit to them in their organization. Know the duties expected of the job you are applying for and tailor your answers towards how you would use your skills/talents in that position. Even when I would use a difficult situation from my days in housing when interviewing for a student life job, I would highlight what I learned as a result and how I would use those in the type of position I was applying for. The most memorable candidates have the most intentional answers. They understand that each question has a purpose, I am trying to test your fit for my position, so you have to answer the question that I am actually asking as an employer, not just tell me a fun story about SGA.
There are also the people that stand out for negative reasons. It is always nice to have a pop of color in your clothing choice, however, that does not mean you should come in dressed as Carmen Miranda. Ladies, avoid huge dangling earrings; they are distracting. Guys, don’t have cartoon characters on your ties, I don’t care how much you like Family Guy. I also had a gentleman send his resume to us on glitter-confetti paper one time. The glitter was falling off of the paper and taking many of his letters and words with it. We didn't interview him. Stick to normal resume paper and don't go overboard on resume design. Keep it concise so we can easily read it to ascertain your experience.
I don’t regret turning down an interview. Once again, it all comes down to fit for me. I have had places offer that I didn’t feel a fit with so I decided not to pursue an on-campus interview. I also try to stick to my plan for geography. You may specify that you want to stay in the mid-west and yet a school from California invites you to interview. If you think you could be flexible, go ahead, but if you know that is outside of your geographical bounds, don’t take the interview. Politely thank them but let them know you are looking for a specific region. The Placement Exchange is a lot like speed dating. You meet for a few minutes, check each other out, ask some basic questions and then decide who in the crowd you would like to go on a second date/interview with. You will generally have second interviews or get invited to socials by institutions who you interview with at the conference. If schools bring a large delegation they may want you to meet some of the higher ups over a private dinner or breakfast as well. I have had schools extend me an invitation to visit the campus before I leave the conference and some who I hear from a few weeks later. It is a huge financial and administrative undertaking for schools to bring you on-campus. If you know that you are not interested in a school, do not go to campus just for a vacation. My other warning is to avoid getting caught up in “Brand Names” I have interviewed with some “Big Name” schools, but I found that the prestige of the school in some cases seemed to be more related to their sports teams or academics than the Student Affairs Program. Find the right experience for you, don’t take a job you are not that excited about just to have a name on your resume.
Go Bulls!
Greetings Dave!
ReplyDeleteHope all is well. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I love hearing different stories of the different paths as to how individuals found there own within the profession. My experience within the CSA program is a unique one and I am curious to see how it will play out for me once I begin my interviews. The first year in the program I was the graduate assistant for the Office of Medical Admissions and the Office of Student Diversity and Enrichment for the USF College of Medicine. This year, I transitioned and moved to the USF Department of Housing and Residential Education. I understand that having housing experience is vital to have as I begin to move up within the field. Do you think the one year of housing would suffice or should I obtain more experience within housing? I am not opposed to housing jobs, but I just wanted your take on it. Thanks so much for your insight!
Best Regards,
Greg
Greg,
DeleteExperience in housing is great and I feel that it provides an opportunity to dable in a variety of student affairs roles. Many of the people who I respect most in this field never set foot in a residence hall past their freshman year. Your experience with the College of Medicine will help you to stand out on a resume and may open other doors for you in some of the specific majors/colleges. If you want more experience in ResLife, go for it. If you are ready to move on, do it. You haven't yet learned all that someone would need to know about housing in a year, but I spent 10 years in housing and I would say that the same is true for me. Our field changes often because our audience are the trend setters and bring something new to the table all of the time, so we have to constantly adapt and change. Having multiple experiences helps to keep you on your toes and to see things from multiple perspectives. Apply for a variety of positions and see where it takes you.
Dave,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your response. I will apply for a variety of positions and hope that it takes me far. Do you have any thoughts on becoming "pigeon-holed" in a job that may hold an individual back from being able to progress as a professional? How can we avoid this?
Greg
Greg,
DeleteYou may get pigeon-holed at points in your career and you may be ok with that. There are some people that get into housing and find that they love it and stay for life. It is all up to you. If you have a legitimate interest in trying different fields of Student Affairs because you aren't feeling challenged, then branch out and try new things. I am always looking for opportunties. I occassionally look at job listings both in and outside of Student Affairs. It is interesting to me to see what is out there, what is new and trends of new offices/programs that campuses are hiring for. I also put in conference proposals on things that may be outside the scope of my current position but related to a passion I have.
Hi Dave,
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, I am quite impressed with your experiences within student affairs. What I found quite intriguing is the fact that you went from working in the housing and residence life realm to leadership engagement. As I know that my first or second position may not be my dream job, I am always trying to think about how to craft my journey so I can land that dream job ultimately. How did you internally make that transition from one functional area to another? Also, what advice do you have in crafting a career path?
Another thing that I thought was worth mentioning is the fact that you are an assistant dean at your age. It is inspiring for me, and I hope to be able to work toward that goal in the future. I also read about you having a family. How do you balance those responsibilities? Do you plan to obtain a doctoral degree in the future? What advice do you have for those that want it all (the established job, family, etc.)?
Again, thank you so much for contributing to this blog!
Corey
Corey,
DeleteThis will sound a little cliché but get off the path. I don't have a career path; I have a goal to challenge myself professionally and to take on roles that interest me. When I was in your shoes about to graduate from grad school I was really convinced that there was some dream job I was striving to get to. I don't feel that way anymore. I have loved almost all of the jobs I have had and I have learned so much about myself and the field in each position. Each position you are in will cause you to question and change that ultimate goal. I don't know where I want to stop yet, but I do know that I want to keep moving because I have enjoyed each step.
The internal transition from housing to leadership was easy. While I was an Asst. Director for Housing at SMU, I only ever saw students when they were in trouble or in crisis. I loved working with students too much and I was too early in my career to be happy with that being my only contact. So I asked my boss if I could take on advising the RA Council so that I could have that positive interaction. This became the part of my job that I loved the most. When I left SMU, I knew I wanted to work with student leaders. I was good at it and it made me happy. When I left Mizzou for this job where I have little-to-no contact with students I knew that I was at the point in my career where I was ok with that too. I feel much more comfortable now as an administrator than I did 8 years ago.
Balance is not always easy, but we make it work for us. My schedule now is much more 8-5pm than it ever has been so that has been very helpful. I also don't normally take work home if I can avoid it. I do plan on pursuing a PHD or an EDD. Unfortunately Columbia College doesn't offer a PHD in higher ed, so my goal is in a few years when I move to my next job it will be at an institution where I could work on my degree with staff tuition benefits. I had considered starting it while at Mizzou, but with two small kids and the amount of after-hours commitments I had in my last role, it seemed like the wrong thing to put my family through.
For those of you who want it all, (as I imagine many of you do) I say be patient. You career is just like a relationship. You are coming out of grad school in-love and super-passionate about this field, (which we love about you). But like the honeymoon phase of any relationship, it is going to come to an end, you're going to have your first fight and few rocky years while you realize you didn't know your career as well as you thought you did. Then you settle into this comfortable love for what you do where you are still excited about the career, you know it much better now and so you learn to love the nuances of what you do and it gets better every day. You start to really notice the positive things you bring to the field as a professional and you realize how it positively contributes to your life. At least that is how I feel about it.
I certainly don’t “have it all” but what I have is enough for me: I’m happy and that is what is important. I would encourage you to pursue opportunities that you are passionate about and that add value to your life.